Title: Dealer
Author: Bj Jones
Rating: PG
Summary: Speed talks about dealing out addictions
Authors Note: My very first slash fiction
***
I’ve faced my share of demons, and I’ve battled my share of addictions. So I admit it was quite a surprise to find myself in this role. I of all people understand its addictive powers, understood the hell it can put you through. How once you’re snared, it grabs hold and sinks its teeth into you. Like I said, I’ve tasted the power addiction can have over you, I conquered it through hard work and perseverance, and I might add pure unadulterated luck.
So, yes, it came as a complete shock to the system that I now have become the dealer, supplying the addiction, snaring my target and not letting go. Taking advantage of a shown weakness, milking it, using it, and manipulating it to my advantage.
I first offered it as a one-time solution. No strings, no commitments, just a way to forget that sweet angel, taken by the evils man. I supplied what he needed, and then left him cold in the morning. Cruel? Yes. Necessary? Yes. When you’re leading a man down the path of addiction you need to be. Isn’t that the point, making sure they come back for more?
It was a slow process; the man I was snaring was one of the strongest men I know. He isn’t easily persuaded to indulge in weaknesses. He’s seen what addiction can do to a person, a family, and a community. Hell, he’s seen his own family torn apart, by addiction. We watch as sweet Calleigh battles her father’s addiction daily. So to make this man fall, was not an easy task. No one said it would be easy. I’ve always loved a good challenge; it makes the thrill of victory so much sweeter.
I used our jobs as my advantage. There is always a horrendous case, another innocent victim taken before they had a chance to live. A bombing, a family killed because an employee had a grudge. I watched through the glass walls we work in, as he processed the five-year-old’s clothes. He looked up at me, and I saw the need in his eyes. I gave him what he needed, and once again left him cold in the morning.
I know your thinking I’m cruel, but aren’t all dealers cruel? We don’t care why you’re at our door, we just care that you’re there. He soon sought me out, and it wasn’t after a tough case. He caught me in the elevator, those glasses firmly in place. As the doors closed I slipped them off, and I could see the need in his eyes. I had finally snared him.
As I curl up next to him on the verge of sleep I could feel his fingers smooth my hair away from my face. I murmur softly, as he pulls me closer to him, my head resting on his chest, snuggling closer to him. What he doesn’t realize, and what I finally admitted to myself in this simple moment, that all this time, it wasn’t I who was supplying the addiction. It was my own addiction to him, my obsession and my need, which caused me to snare him with my dealings.
I, Timothy “Speed” Speedle, am addicted to one Horatio Caine. And I have no intention of letting him out of my clutches.
***
Title: Addict
Author: Bj Jones
Rating: PG
Summary: Horatio talks about his addiction
Authors Note: My very first slash fiction
***
I’ve seen the destruction an addictive substance can cause. A life taken, a family destroyed, a community torn apart. I’ve processed crime scenes, the consequences due to drugs: the overdoses, the shootings, and the deals gone bad. I’ve had the unpleasant experience of telling families that a drunk driver had killed a loved one. I’ve watched co-workers battle the demons of addiction, easily sliding into an addiction do to the horrors of the job.
I’ve dedicated my life to protecting those who can’t protect themselves to speak for the victims caused by various forms of substance abuse. I’ve seen it all. I watched my brother fight against it, fall for it, and then die because of it. I’ve watched Calleigh pull her father time after time out of the local bars, drunk and dishonored.
If I were honest with myself I would admit that I never understood how one could get so entangled into an addiction. In my eyes, one just had to be strong enough to say no and stop. Little did I know how strong an addiction could be?
It can take over your life in a second. It only takes one taste, and it snares you into it’s addictive powers. And that’s how I found myself in this predicament. I couldn’t get enough; it was affecting my job, my life.
It was sudden, unexpected. A disturbing case, a child’s death is always difficult. An offer made, a way to forget the face of a beautiful six-year-old angel taken before her time. I told myself it would only be this one time, this one indulgence.
But there is always another difficult case, another life cut short. I found myself seeking out, looking to forget. Then as times went by, it became the priority. This addiction, this need, consumes me, controls me, and now I understand when an addict tells you – it’s the drug that’s in control, not you, no matter what you tell yourself.
As I lay here, in the dark I’ve come to a starting conclusion. I’m finally truthful with myself I’m addicted to Speed, to him. I look over to the sleeping form next to me. Peaceful in sleep, the stress of the job wiped away. The shadow of a beard always present, no matter the time of day. I brush my hand along his forehead moving the dark tussled hair out of his face. He shifts closer to the touch, murmuring softly. I pull him closer to me, kissing his head softly as it settles onto my chest.
I, Horatio Caine, am addicted to one Timothy “Speed” Speedle and I have no intention of removing myself from his clutches.