Title: Moving On
Author: Bj Jones
Rating: FRM
Summary: He was moving on
Song: Moving On by Rascal Flatts
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It was two years since I had set foot in my hometown. I looked around the neighborhood it hadn’t changed much. I was staying in a local hotel, not wanting to deal with my parents. They didn’t understand the situation then and they wouldn’t understand it now.
I had come back to say goodbye.
I’ve dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I’ve found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I’m at peace with myself
I’ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I’m movin’ on
Losing Sean was hard. I had loved him since we were twelve. Of course then I had no idea what love really was, but I just knew he was it. As puberty hit, we figured out the rest.
I can still see and feel our first night together. The tentative touches, soft words, laughter at the awkwardness, but in the end it was perfect. We fit together. I was whole and complete when he slid inside me.
When the accident happened, it came out. Of course me crying over him and not letting go might have clued the town in to our relationship. His parents weren’t at all happy. My parents weren’t thrilled either. I told them both to fuck off, I wasn’t leaving his side. Needless to say it was the beginning of the end of my stay in Syracuse.
No matter how hard they tried I didn’t leave his side. I stood by him until the end. We had a deal. I would find him a cure, he would put up with being poked at. He didn’t survive long enough for me to find a cure.
I miss him deeply.
I’ve lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they’re always the same
They mean no harm but it’s time that I face it
They’ll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don’t belong
I’m movin’ on
They didn’t have to tell me. I already knew. Part of my heart was missing.
The day after we buried him, I left. I ran. As fast as I could and as far as I could. I ended up in Miami of all places. I don’t know how or why, but I found myself standing on his Uncle Jack’s front porch.
I know now Sean had something to do with it. That year … there are things I did that I don’t want to remember. I’m ashamed of what I had become. Sean, my very own guardian angel, saved me. He led me to Miami, to my new life.
I went back to school and finished my degree. I wasn’t going to cure paralysis, but I was going to help people. Speak for them when no one else could. I had a job already lined up back down in Miami.
It was time to say goodbye and move on with my life.
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there’s no guarantees, but I’m not alone
There comes a time in everyone’s life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
I’m movin’ on
There wasn’t much left of my life in Syracuse for me to pack, but there were a few things I wanted from our time together. I ignored my parents ranting about the direction my life was going, grabbed what I had come for, and left.
There was one last thing I had to do before I left town.
I walked up the narrow path to his grave. I squatted down, my hand running along the carved letters. I closed my eyes as a tear slid down my face. He helped me become the man I was. His love saved me. I will carry his memory with me as I start anew.
I got into my vehicle and drove out of town. This time not running, but looking forward. I didn’t know what life would have in store for me, but I was looking forward to it.
Maybe, just maybe, I would find love again.
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn’t
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I’ve loved like I should but lived like
I shouldn’t
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I’m movin’ on