Title: Wake Up Call
Author: Bj Jones
Rating: R
Summary: Horatio gets a wake up call
***
Horatio tossed and turned, sleep evading him once again. He sighed as he rolled over and looked at the clock it was two in the morning. He rolled back onto his back and stared at the ceiling. The sound of gunshots echoed through his mind, the smell of gunpowder burned his nose. He growled and climbed out of bed.
He stood in the bathroom staring into the mirror. He finally looked away, not even able to look at himself, he stripped down and climbed into the shower. The hot water soothed his sore muscles; he braced himself against the wall and let the water pound his back and shoulders.
‘I can’t feel anything.’ Horatio moaned as the voice echoed in his ears. ‘Speed!’
Horatio turned off the shower, grabbed a towel ran it through his hair, throwing it onto the floor. He stepped out of the bathroom grabbed a fresh pair of sweats and slipped them on.
‘I’ve got plenty of time for that.’
He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. He pushed himself away from the wall and into the kitchen. He pulled down a bottle of scotch and grabbed a glass. He poured himself a generous amount then walked into the living room. He set the bottle down on the coffee table, and kept walking to the patio door. He leaned up against the wall looking out into the moon lit yard.
“Do you really think that will help?”
Horatio turned and looked at the figure by the bay window. The moonlight surrounded him with a heavenly glow, making his black hair look midnight blue. His pose was casual, hands in pocket, head cocked to the side; his dark eyes solemn and intense.
“No, but it should knock me out,” Horatio turned back around.
“With a killer headache in the morning.”
“That’s the morning, I’m more concerned about right now,” Horatio tossed back the drink.
“The Horatio I know doesn’t drown his sorrows.”
Horatio turned from the door, “Knew. Past tense.”
“Is it really?”
“What the hell are you doing here?” Horatio glared at the young man.
“You called me.”
Horatio grabbed the bottle off the coffee table, and poured another drink. “I called you?”
“Basically.”
“And why the hell would I call you?” Horatio downed the second drink.
“Only you know.”
Horatio poured a third drink, “These one liners are getting a little old.” Horatio growled when the man smirked. “So why do you think I called you.”
“Remorse, regret, but for what, only you know.”
Horatio slammed the bottle down onto the table, his eyes wide. “That’s rich coming from you.” They young man shrugged never leaving his spot, his eyes never leaving Horatio. “You’re the one who didn’t clean his gun.”
“My mistake, my consequence.”
“Fuck that,” Horatio growled. “We are living with that mistake.”
“You shouldn’t. It was mine to make and mine to live with.”
“But you’re not living with it, we are.” Horatio glared his blue eyes grew dark.
“I’m sorry for that.”
“Well it’s a little late,” Horatio slumped back into the couch.
“Is it?”
“What do you want?” Horatio voice was thick with pain.
“For you to see the truth.”
Horatio’s head snapped up, “What truth?”
“You’re pissed at me for not cleaning my gun…”
“Well yeah,” Horatio folded his arms waiting for him to continue.
“But that’s not why you’re sitting in your living room drinking a bottle of scotch at two in the morning.”
“So why am I?” Horatio demanded.
“Cause you’re pissed at yourself.”
Horatio stood abruptly, “Fuck you.”
“Your pissed you didn’t check to see if I was cleaning my gun. You’re pissed ’cause you didn’t see the two gunmen. You’re pissed because you waited too long.”
Horatio grabbed the bottle and threw it at the wall, tears streamed down his face. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“You can’t live like this.”
“I can’t live without you,” Horatio voice pleaded. “I love you. But every time I close my eyes I see the pain in yours. I see your blood flowing out of you. And even then I couldn’t tell you.”
“I knew. I saw it in your eyes.”
“And you’re here, why?” Horatio gestured around his living room.
“But I’m really not here, am I?”
***
Horatio sat up in his bed, his alarm blaring at him. He slammed his fist down onto the clock. He stumbled into the bathroom, groaned at the sight in front of him. He took a quick shower, and then dressed for the day. He slipped on his glasses as he stepped out into the early morning Miami sun. He sat behind the wheel of the Hummer; another day had started.
He cursed his subconscious when he drove past the lab and headed farther into town. He sighed even harder as he parked at the allocated spot. He debated whether or not to get out of the Hummer. The dream last night was so real, but the pain waiting for him outside was real. Nothing had changed, and it never will.
He gathered up his strength and stepped out of the vehicle. He walked down the pathway, his steps loud to his own ears.
“Lt. Caine,” The nurse smiled at him. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”
“Work keeps me busy,” He gave her a tight smile. “Miami never closes.”
“Go on in,” She gave him a friendly pat on the arm.
Horatio stood at the hospital room door. In all accounts Speed should have died that day, but somehow he survived only to slip into a coma. It’s been three months and he still hadn’t woken-up. The doctors weren’t sure if he would. So the higher ups made him find a replacement at the lab Ryan was a great CSI, but he wasn’t Speed.
Horatio slipped into the chair next to the young man’s bed. The nurse must have shaved him recently, though it still looked like he had a five o’clock shadow. The doctors had told him, it was good sign that Speed was breathing on his own, but not to get his hopes up. Speed had suffered a severe trauma, and even if he did wake up there would be lots of physical therapy. He had visited every day for the first couple of weeks, then every couple of days, until he just stopped coming.
“Hey Speed.” Horatio took his hand, softly caressing the back of it. “I dreamed of you last night. Not my normal style dream when you make an appearance wearing nothing but leather pants.” He laughed softly, as he glanced around the room. “God, Speed…I don’t know what to say. I’ve harbored these feelings for so long, but last night was a wake up call. I’ve been acting as if you were dead, and you’re not. God, I’m so pissed at you, why didn’t you clean your gun? Why didn’t I ask?” Horatio leaned his head down onto bed. “Why is it so hard for me to tell you I love you?”
“You just did,” A pained whisper reached Horatio’s ears.
Horatio sat up and looked at the bed, brown eyes looked back. “Speed?”
Speed smiled, “I knew. I saw it in your eyes.” His eyes shined as he looked at Horatio. He tried to speak, but his eyes began to droop.
Horatio reached up and caressed the scruffy face, “Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Speed shifted burrowing into Horatio’s hand, “I’m sorry.”
“Shush,” Horatio soothed him until his eyes closed and his breathing became even.
He wiped the tears from his face as he walked into the hallway looking for the doctor. The doctor and nurses rushed into the room, leaving Horatio in the hallway. He leaned against the wall a smile on his face. He knew he should call the lab, but right now he just wanted to enjoy the sensation of seeing those brown eyes open and full of love looking at him.
***
Speed sat outside on the patio covered with a blanket. He was released from the hospital a few days ago, but wasn’t allowed to work for another month at least. Between the physical therapy, check-ups and therapy appointments he was exhausted.
“Who knew being a sleep for three months would make someone so tired,” He mumbled.
He turned when he heard a soft laugh behind him, “Your body just needs the time to adjust to being used again. Just give it some time, the physical therapy is helping.”
Speed smiled at him, “I can think of one activity that would help.”
Horatio sat down in the chair next to him, “Don’t tempt me.”
“Isn’t that the point?” Speed grinned, pulling the blanket up. “I can’t believe I’m cold and it’s what? Ninety degrees outside?”
“Doctors said you’re circulation will adjust,” Horatio rubbed Speed’s arm, and then sat back in his chair.
“Great, I’ll probably freeze to death in the lab,” Speed muttered as he curled under the blanket. “So what do I have to do to get you into bed?” He grinned at the redhead. “I do have leather pants.”
“Did you hear everything I said?” Horatio shook his head.
“I think I was already coming out of it.” Speed’s tone became serious. “I was dreaming or I thought I was. I was here in your living room talking with you, except I’ve never been here before.”
Horatio eyes went wide, “I was drinking Scotch.”
Speed’s head shot up, as he looked over at Horatio. “Yeah, downing it pretty fast. I tried to get you to…”
“See that avoiding you wasn’t the answer nor was avoiding the real issue.” Horatio stood up and walked over to him. He pulled Speed out of the chair and into his arms. “I love you.”
Speed leaned his head onto Horatio’s shoulder, “I love you too.”
“We still have something we need to talk about,” Horatio held him close.
“I know, but can it wait? I just want you to hold me.” Speed mumbled into his shoulder.
“I’ll hold you forever,” Horatio kissed the side of his head.