Sylum Advent 2020: December 23rd

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This Advent there is a series of Snippets or Timestamps from a variety of stories & characters.  Some of these will become larger stories, some will be as is.

Title: Santa Never Had to Deal with This Shit
Author: Gil Grissom
Sylum Timeline: About 1997-ish
Summary: Gabe’s request for Dom leads to a few issues for Dom…namely cornering certain Clan Members and pinning them down.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Please, Dom?”

Dom sighed and frowned at Gabe. “Why is it you always pick me for this shit?”

“Because despite your sunny disposition and your fluffy bunny exterior, you’re actually good with kids, and with the exception of a very few they seem to instinctually trust you.” Gabe’s smile was sharp. “I have no idea why, since I know you, but they do.”

Dom threw him a glare and then huffed. “Santa Claus? They won’t even be expecting him here in this area until January.”

“I realize, that, but the kids at the hospital need something fun to focus on. The long-term patients are depressed that they’re going to be missing all the festivities, and we have more than usual this year since several have come in from all over the state.”

“Okay, I get that, but why me? I can think of a handful that would be a better choice than me.”

“Kids like you. It’s a mystery as to why. I guess it’s in your genes. Lucas latched onto Riddick like a leech and pretty much everyone is terrified of him and rightly so since he’s a scary kind of guy. Granted, Lucas was a little older than most of our patients, but I think it still applies because he was extremely sheltered after Jack and Will found him.” Gabe sighed. “Come on? Please? Don’t make me beg.”

“But you’re really pretty when you beg,” Dom said, laughing when Gabe flipped him off. “Fine, I’ll do it, but I’m not doing it alone.”

“Thank you!” Then Gabe frowned. “What are you thinking?”

“Well, Santa is really busy this time of year. If he’s going to make a special stop so early, he’s going to need his helpers, isn’t he.” 

Gabe snorted. “That smile bodes well for no one. Riddick sends people running with that expression.”

Dom smirked at him. “That’s because most people have a healthy sense of self-preservation. As for my idea, I think I’m going to need some elves. And maybe a Mrs. Claus. But definitely elves, at least, because Santa wouldn’t be anything without his little helpers.”

Gabe snorted a laugh. “Oh, good luck with that one. You know how our people are. I knew that in addition to being the perfect one for Santa, you’d offer the least resistance to the idea. You love helping out the kids, don’t lie.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m a marshmallow. But I’m getting helpers. I’m not going to be at the tender mercies of a bunch of kids, even if they are sick, all by myself.”

“Fair enough. You figure out who you’re going to strong-arm into it, and I’ll speak with Adela about making the additional costumes. She’s already agreed to make yours. And Missouri has offered to make all the treats we’ll be taking along, so don’t bother her with anything.”

Dom nodded and waved Gabe off. “I’m not suicidal. Now, go away before I rethink all of my life choices.” He rolled his eyes as Gabe all but skipped out of the damned room. He could practically smell the smug oozing out of his pores, the asshole.

~*~

A few hours later, Dom walked into the craft room that was annually set up somewhere around August, so that those inclined to be crafty for Christmas would have space where they could spread out that no one else would bother and they could get an early start for the year. He’d thought it was odd at first, but seeing some of the elaborately made decorations and gifts that some made through the years, he was surprised they didn’t start earlier.

He wasn’t particularly talented or interested in such things himself so usually, he stayed well clear from the room. Dom liked his head where it was and some of them were vicious if you accidentally bumped into something that was in a delicate state. But at the moment he was looking for Jason, who often spent time in there with his knitting and chatting with his fellow crafters. He was nowhere to be seen, but Mia was there and he walked over to her.

“No, I’m not going to be your Mrs. Claus. First of all, gross. I don’t want to even be pretend married to you.”

“Well, I’m feeling the love,” he said dryly.

“Second of all,” she said, as if he hadn’t interrupted, “I’m up to my eyeballs in making stuffed animals and doll clothes of various sizes for the kids at the hospital. I don’t have time even if I was so inclined to pretend I like you.”

Dom rolled his eyes. “Good thing it never crossed my mind for you to play Mrs. Claus. Now, do you know where Jason is?”

“Probably hiding from you. Gabe might not have said anything, but we have a clan full of assholes, and they listen in when they know something interesting is happening. They wanted to hear Gabe talk you into being Santa, and they heard your plan to weasel them into it. Predictably, the ones most likely to be in your sights scattered like cockroaches.” 

“Who was the asshole listening in this time instead of minding his own damn business? I know it was a guy.” 

“James,” Mia said with a laugh. “He skidded in here like he called Jacob ‘Daddy’ again and was fleeing from getting his ass kicked once more, and started telling us what he’d heard. The whole group that was in here helping scattered, and I’m sure word has spread. Which is annoying, because if they’d just stick around and take it like the men they’re supposed to be, I’d still have help.” Then she looked at him like it was his fault.

“Hey, I’m not taking the blame for their terrible behavior. They can face a fight head-on, potentially losing that head and their lives, but the thought of dressing up for a single day to help sick kids, some of whom aren’t likely to survive to see next Christmas, is an inconvenience?”

“Maybe if you’d set a good example and tell Gabe yes right away…”

“I was always going to say yes the moment the question came out of his mouth. You know that, Mia. I always say yes when it comes to volunteering at the hospital unless I’m completely incapable for some reason. I’ve even crossed the damned continent just to do what Gabe asked me to do for the kids, and that’s just not convenient but I still do it. I just like making him wheedle me into it. He’s adorable when he’s all pleading and looks like a puppy whose chew toy was taken away.”

“Right. I don’t want to know about you and him and whatever you two have going on,” Mia said, making a face. “Well, good luck finding our idiots. Let me know if you need help with any shopping or gift wrapping. That I’ll be more than happy to do. Now go away, because I may not be dressing up like an elf, but I’m definitely currently in Santa’s workshop.”

“I’ll let you know when I need help.” He huffed. “I bet Santa never has to deal with this bullshit,” he muttered as he walked out, shaking his head when Mia burst into laughter. He headed upstairs to his room and found Han flopped across the bed in what looked like a haphazard manner, reading a book. 

“Hey.”

“Hey. I already headed over to Del’s sewing room and had my measurements taken for my elf costume,” Han told him. 

“There’s a reason you’re my absolute favorite,” he said, climbing onto the bed and draping himself half over Han, resting his head on Han’s shoulder.

“Of course I am. I’m not an asshole, or at least not that kind of one, and it’s for the kids. I knew when he said he was going to ask you that you would say yes and that you’d want helpers. Del said I’m going to get the best elf costume because I’m not a dick and volunteered for the task with grace and dignity, unlike the others. When I asked her what she had planned for them, she cackled. Idiots. They should know better than crossing a woman who kicked ass in the middle of a fucking revolution while she was human.”

“I’m not sure how much grace and dignity you actually have, but I appreciate you not making me hunt your ass down.” 

“Fuck you, I’m a snowflake,” Han said, flapping a hand behind him in an ineffectual attempt to hit Dom. After a few tries, he gave up. “Who did you have in mind for the others?”

“Now that would be telling because they probably have some asshole listening in like the pervert they are,” he said, laughing when Josiah squawked down the hallway, the sound clear through the open door. “I wasn’t talking about you, but that’s what you get for listening in!”

“I was listening for José! I can’t find his dumb ass, and I know he ain’t running from your dumb ass.”

“He went into town with one of the other José’s. Not sure which, but he should be back soon,” Han yelled out. 

“We have too many damn José’s, I swear,” Josiah muttered as he walked by the open door.

“Don’t I know it,” Dom said, slipping onto his back and groaning. “I should go and find someone, but I can’t be bothered at the moment. Let them put it off. That just means less time on their costumes and they’ll look even stupider than the rest of us.”

“Del will make sure of it,” Han said, leaning over to kiss his temple. “Who you going to pick as Mrs. Claus?”

Dom snorted. “Alma cornered me before I even went to the craft room, and she informed me she was Mrs. Claus. I wasn’t about to disagree. One less thing I need to make a decision on anyway.”

“She’ll be good at it. The kids always love her. She’s so sweet looking. You’d never know she has such a mean streak when you piss her off.” 

“A smart man wouldn’t piss her off in the first damn place,” Daniel said from the doorway. “Been looking for you, Dom. I had a question.”

“What?” 

“If David and I volunteer, after we’re done at the hospital, will we all get to play Santa and his naughty elves?” The last was said in such a seductive tone that there was no mistaking what he was talking about.

Han burst out laughing as Dom pointed at the door. “Out!” He huffed as Daniel walked away with a laugh. “I swear to God, Santa would never have to deal with this kind of shit.”

“If he was real and running around in a sleigh and dealing with a workshop full of elves, you bet your ass he would.”

Dom snorted and sat up. He rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. “I’m going to find Gabe and find out the information regarding how many kids and what they might actually want for Christmas. If he doesn’t have it, he can get it in the next week or two from the kids and their families. If they’re going to have Santa, I’m going to be the best fucking Santa I can be for them. No kid should have to be in a hospital during the holidays, whether they celebrate or not.”

Han hummed and nodded. “We’ll keep it all as secular as possible with the wrapping. I know a lot of people like to celebrate the goodwill toward men idea behind it even if they don’t believe in the religious aspect. I doubt any parent will deny their kid the right to partake, not around here, but I’ll make sure there are some that aren’t particularly Christmassy. I’ll invade Alma’s wrapping paper stash. You know how she is.”

“Yeah, her contacts are ridiculous, and they all buy out the clearance wrapping paper and crap for her every damn year. She’s such a gift wrap hoarder,” Dom said, laughing a little. 

“And the others?”

“They’ll have to come home eventually.”

~*~

The problem with many in his clan, it seemed, was they completely underestimated just how sneaky he could be. Which on one hand, Dom could understand, because he often played the part of an in-your-face blunt instrument. They’d rarely had any problems lately that would require him to show off his more subtle skills, so everyone let his size and general demeanor fool them into believing he couldn’t get the drop on them.

More fool them because he currently had his first victim in his sights and was waiting patiently for James to walk directly under his hiding spot. The moment he was in the place Dom had visually marked, he dropped silently, enjoying the loud squawk that erupted from James as Dom landed on him like a ton of bricks. 

“Goddamn you, Dom! That hurts!” James bellowed as Dom straddled his lower back. “I’m pretty sure you broke somethin’.”

“You’ll live,” Dom said, leaning down and resting his hands on James’ shoulders to keep him from trying to headbutt him. “Now, let’s talk about your unfortunate habit of spying on shit that is none of your damn business.”

“Like you would have done any different,” James said, going limp after trying to buck him off a few times.

“Obviously I did because I didn’t know he was coming, yet you seemed to know.” Dom flicked the back of his head as he relaxed his hold. “And you know, the smartest thing would have been to save yourself and flee instead of telling everyone and their mom what was coming in their direction. If I could have got hold of enough others, I’d have never known you’d been listening in. Instead you just had to open your big mouth and make my life difficult, so you’re the first non-volunteer on my list, just because you were a dick about it.”

James huffed. “I don’t mind helping out. I just don’t want to dress up like a damned elf!”

“Not about you. It’s about the kids and making them happy. You’ll live. Some of them won’t.”

James groaned. “You’re such an asshole.”

“You’re the bigger one. Now get your ass to Adela and have her take your measurements. And if you’re lucky, she might not make you look too terrible.”

“Yeah, right. She’s going to make me look like the damn elf from Rudolph.”

“He was adorable. You would be so lucky to be that damned cute.” Dom stood and dragged James to his feet. 

James made a face and pressed his hand against his side. “I think you broke a rib or two.”

“Go eat. You’ll be fine.” Dom clapped him on the back, sending him stumbling forward. “Now on to my next victim.” 

James gave him a look but headed toward the main house, no doubt to get some extra blood to make the last of the twinges in his ribs go away.

He truly only had one more person he was looking for, since Daniel and David volunteered, even after he nixed the Santa’s workshop role play they were hinting at, because no. He had his limits and he wasn’t going to go there for either of them. 

Jason was going to be a little difficult since he was used to evading the enemy, so Dom knew he had to think before he acted. He could go for someone easier, but in spite of what Jason might think, he had a certain ‘dad’ vibe that children seemed to like. Which Dom understood because he did put off an air of calm and safety and trust. He was just a dick when you least expected it. Like now. But Dom trusted him more with the kids than anyone else who wouldn’t be utilized elsewhere already, and he could be trusted not to get the entire hospital caught up in his shenanigans. In spite of Jesse and Vince scattering, he wouldn’t trust them to tie his shoes. They were too immature for what Dom needed. 

Dom leaned against the tree and thought for a minute then smiled a little before slipping away. 

~*~

After spending the rest of the day visible to pretty much everyone who bothered to look, Dom slipped through the underground and up into the house where James lived. He silently went up to his room and walked over to the closet, He opened the door and used the long hook to grab the ring to the attic door. Then he climbed up and sat at the edge and looked out into the dark. 

“May as well come out, you idiot.”

“How’d you know I was here?”

“You wouldn’t come back to your bedroom, and James would be obvious at first. I’d have discounted it completely, except that I knew, unlike most, that the attic access was in his bedroom closet. It’s the only house that doesn’t have attic access from the upstairs hall on the property.”

“Right. I keep forgetting you helped out with most of the building on the property,” Jason said, walking over and leaning against one of the beams. “It’s not about the elf costume, you know.”

“Then what?” Dom asked. 

“I hate being around the kids, even though I also love making them happy. It breaks my heart, seeing them and knowing that by next year, some of them won’t be there anymore.”

“Imagine how the parents feel,” Dom said. “I get it. You think I don’t understand that? It hurts because we all know it. The parents know it. Hell, most of the kids who are that sick know the chances for them aren’t good. I think if you don’t care you don’t have a heart. But you’re good with the kids, and that’s one of the things I think is most important. You think I wouldn’t gather my own personal idiots if it was just a matter of bodies in dumb costumes?”

Jason gave him a look. “If I end up in therapy, from the costume or the event, I’m sending you the bill.”

Dom snorted. “Go find Del and let her measure you tomorrow.” He shook his head as he jumped down. “I know Santa didn’t have to go chasing his dumbass elves up into attics.”

“That’s because Santa is nice, unlike you,” Jason called out.

“Get out of the attic, you dumbass. Oh, and fair warning, since you like warnings… Daniel and David have ideas about naughty elf role-playing.”

“Ugh. I think I’ll stay in the attic,” Jason said.

Dom laughed. Santa may not have to deal with this kind of shit, but it was much more entertaining this way.